Important rules of etiquette

About etiquette, important rules of behavior speak a lot, often and very willingly. However, people usually overlook the most important point - why these same rules are necessary. It is on this that you should concentrate as much as possible.

Any attitudes in society, order exist only because someone needs them. Similarly, with etiquette: it does not complicate life, as it may seem, but makes it easier, makes it more orderly. "Old-fashioned courtesy" prevents the emergence of many unpleasant conflict situations. In society, etiquette sets clear and unambiguous "rules of the game" that contribute to the convenience and improvement of communication between people.

At first it may seem that it is very difficult to learn all the norms and apply them in a timely manner. However, it is worthwhile to spend some time on this, to show willpower, as you will immediately understand that it is not difficult to fulfill the requirements. In your presence, others will feel freer and easier, more liberated. In this case, you do not have to constantly look after yourself, think before each act or movement, whether this is the right action or not.

The interaction of people in society is different, and the great diversity of norms and rights that apply to it. To understand all this diversity, to avoid unnecessary difficulties, people began to form a kind of "codes" (if we draw an analogy with the law) - certain types of etiquette. First of all it is worth mentioning the following types of modern etiquette:

• state (formerly called court) - communication with heads of state;
• diplomatic - referring to the behavior of diplomats and equivalent persons;
• military - regulates actions, speech of military personnel and persons equal to them (in various situations);
• Religious - refers to the behavior of people in communion with the clergy associated with any existing religion, with believers during the administration of rites, on religious holidays, in temples and sacred places.

Common civil etiquette includes rules and various traditions relating to the communication of people in all other situations. However, the general civil code is not as simple as it seems. Although it does not cover situations in which we can talk about political influence, international relations and the like, there is also a division here.

Some generally accepted standards set the standard for business communication, while others form requirements for all other types of communication in general. There are provisions related to the performance of various rites (wedding, funeral, and some others), the rules for being at the common table, when talking on the phone or communicating via e-mail. Civil etiquette rationalizes not only verbal interaction, but also gestures, touches, to a certain extent - even glances and gaits.

The basic obligatory norms of etiquette are designed to help a person make a good impression on others. Whether you are a middle-aged housewife, a fast-moving administrator, a sculptor on a creative quest, everyone should consider them. Any person acquires clothing, focusing on their financial capabilities, but about the established traditional norms, we can say that they are mandatory for all. The following key requirements must be considered:

• cleanliness, aesthetics of clothes;
• matching your figure’s wardrobe and accessories;
• the compatibility of the elements of the order with each other, their compliance with the specific situation.

Every piece of clothing that you wear should be kept clean, buttoned, and ensure that everything is ironed. The system of etiquette requirements prescribes a strict separation between the festive, office (work), home, and evening wear. Compliance with the rules of good tone is also unthinkable without the implementation of hygienic procedures, proper and proper nutrition, healthy lifestyle.

In any course on the basics of etiquette, such sections as giving yourself to others, gait, posture, gestures and speech are always called.

A real man is not only a good professional in his business, a responsible person and a master of his word. There are a number of norms of etiquette, which strictly regulate exactly how it should act in a certain situation. Even if your friends do not comply with these requirements, you will only win yourself if you do not follow their bad example.

Not a single man (except for a police officer on duty and a soldier who is obliged under the statute to give honor), in the usual situation, can go to the right of the woman, only to the left. Of course, there are circumstances when this rule of etiquette can be violated - but only by learning to comply with it, you will understand when you can retreat from the norm.. The stumbling and slipping women need to be supported by the elbow, and no one sees in this going beyond decent behavior.

Next to a woman you can not smoke without direct permission. Everyone remembers, of course, that proper behavior is opening the door at the entrance and exit, escorting a woman behind. But this rule, observed on any stairs, changes to the opposite when entering the elevator and when leaving the car. When a man is driving, he is obliged to open the door and hold the elbow of women when landing forward.

In the presence of standing ladies, it is not customary to sit down, including on the bus; An exception is made only for trains and airplanes. Of course, responsible and adequate men always help their companions to carry heavy, bulky or inconvenient things. Another male etiquette differs in such nuances:

• you can not fold your arms over the chest;
• should not and keep them in their pockets;
• You can twist any object in your hand only to better consider or use it, and not just like that.

Do not think that the requirements of etiquette for women are softer or stricter. They are exactly the same in severity, but different in content. Everyone can learn to behave correctly, again - this requires only consistency, dedication and self-control. A common mistake is the opinion that today women's norms of behavior are limited to one politeness and correctness in speech. Of course, they are not the same as a hundred or two hundred years ago - and therefore it is impossible to learn the rules of etiquette, focusing on ancient literature.

Bad, "primitive" manners, which are often found in the behavior of modern women and girls, first of all are:

• excessive curiosity about other people's secrets;
• the spread of gossip;
• insults other people and rudeness;
• vulgar behavior;
• bullying others; manipulating them;
• unprincipled flirting.

Behavior in everyday life should be subject not to emotions and passions, but to reason. Yes, for women (and even for many men) it is very difficult. Yes, there are situations when it is extremely difficult to not be rude in response. You must always imagine how your behavior looks from the outside. It should be remembered modesty - both in the family circle, and on the street, in the store, in the restaurant, at the exhibition and in other places.

You may not know very well the ready-made speech formulas of greeting and address, but at the same time have a reputation as a polite, cultural personality. The thing is to convey their benevolence to the interlocutors, so that every detail emphasizes a positive attitude.

The stereotype, according to which "a real girl is always late," is nothing more than a harmful myth, Invented as an excuse for self-indiscipline and disrespect for others. Firmly and completely discard him, do not allow yourself to do so with friends or strangers.

It is unacceptable both at a party, at work, and at a hotel or official institution to rush to all things, to check their cleanliness. In the presence of other people with whom you work together, study, establish a romantic relationship, it is undesirable to make phone calls, write SMS or emails. Even if communication at a particular moment is very important, you should inform and apologize about it, try not to interfere. It is advisable to clarify to the subscriber or the interlocutor that at the moment you cannot communicate.

Educated women and girls, in principle, do not allow themselves, even in their own home (when there are no other people), to wear clothes:

• dirty
• rumpled;
• torn;
• not matching the chosen style.

Believe me, if you do not make any exceptions and indulgences for yourself unless absolutely necessary, it will only be easier to follow the usual rules of etiquette. Quite rarely there are cases when a woman can afford not to work. The basic principle of official relations (both with management and subordinates) should be strict correctness, following the rules of organization and professional ethics. You should certainly be punctual, keep your word, clearly plan your working day. Strictly prohibited:

• parasite words;
• speech errors (including in writing);
• mess in the workplace;
• tasteless things (even a mobile phone or an acid-colored notebook);
• solving personal problems during working hours.

Children's spontaneity pleases and touches moms and dads, but from an early age, the child needs to inculcate elementary norms of behavior - of course, this is primarily done by parents, not tutors and teachers. You can forgive one or another sin against the rules of etiquette; other people (even classmates or people accidentally met on the street) may no longer understand him. Yes, and the child himself the rest of his life will be easier, no matter how he was offended at first.

The primary rule, often voiced by people, but not lost its relevance - the need for the family to always deal with others politely. If you call on children for correctness and even communicate with them as needed, but be rude on the phone, quarrel with guests or raise your voice once more in the store, such “educational work” will inevitably fail.

To get a well-bred and cultured child, you need to demonstrate to your child the rules of behavior during games from an early age. Let you be the benchmark, and your baby’s favorite toys play a role (you greet them, say goodbye, thank them for the gift they brought - and so on). At the same time, such urgent tasks as vocabulary expansion and increase of communicability are solved.

A very important point of education (especially after 5 years) will be the obligatory appeal to all unfamiliar and unfamiliar adults on “you” or by name and patronymic. Forbid to interrupt adults and interfere in their conversations. Firmly and steadily remind children of this, repeat the rule after each violation.

Always make sure that your child sneezes:

• turned away from other people and from food;
• whenever possible went away;
• wiped his nose and contaminated items;
• washed his hands after sneezing (before resuming the meal).

In Russia, there are mandatory rules governing a person’s speech in various situations. To confine ourselves only to greeting and farewell is far from always, and in dealing with officials (especially when the situation is solemn or ceremonial) has its unwritten canons. Not only that - they are characteristic of any organization, department or professional community.

The speech process is governed by standards of etiquette in many ways:

• lexical (phraseological) - how to address people, how to use stable expressions, which words are appropriate or inappropriate in specific cases;
• grammatical - use interrogative instead of imperative;
• stylistic - correctness, accuracy and richness of speech;
• intonational - calmness and smoothness even when irritation and anger overwhelm you;
• orthoepic - the rejection of abbreviated forms of words in favor of the full (no matter how you are in a hurry and no matter how close a person is).

Politeness is also manifested when a person does not interfere in other people's conversations. There is no need to object if you did not hear the sentence or the charge to the end. The “salon” speech has its etiquette formulas, in everyday conversation, and even in various jargons.

You need to carefully monitor who you are communicating with. Should be able to adapt. Polite communication implies that you can not just say goodbye, even if the conversation came to an end, and all the planned things are completely done. It takes some kind of transition, you need to correctly lead to a farewell.

By itself, this term seems somehow unnecessarily complex and "scientific." However, in reality, non-verbal communication is much more common than it might seem. It is this “language” that is used in communication with casual counterclaims, and with long-familiar people, and at home, and outside the walls of the home. Understanding the non-verbal way of communicating correctly has a triple benefit:

• expanding the possibilities for expressing one's thoughts, can use gestures as a supplement to words;
• capture what others really think;
• can control themselves and not give out their true thoughts to other observers.

A lot of information circulates through non-verbal channels. When you receive it, you will be able to understand exactly how the interlocutor relates to others, what kind of relationship is built between the boss and his subordinates - and so on. Properly using such a means of communication, you can maintain the optimal relationship, give consent or reject an offer, without saying a word. You can simply reinforce what has been said with additional energy.

Non-verbal communication can not be reduced to gestures. This, for example, is also the emotional component of any conversation (other than being conducted by telephone). The main part of such means of communication is inborn, but this does not mean that they cannot be managed in principle. A polite and cultured person, going to another country or before talking to foreigners, always finds out the meaning of gestures and other non-verbal signals, as they can be understood by interlocutors.

Etiquette prescribes everyone to stand at the moment of greeting, even to women; an exception is made only for those who can not get up for health reasons. Women are welcomed earlier than men. Among people of the same sex, they try to give priority to older people, and then to people with higher status. If you have just entered a room where others are already located, you need to greet those already present first, no matter what.

It is important not only to respect the sequence, but also to show your respect correctly. Previously, it was believed that a handshake can emphasize a particular location, but the modern approach implies something else: everyone should shake hands. You can not shake hands longer than three seconds. Very strong or relaxed handshakes can be allowed only with the closest people.

Nonverbal etiquette prescribes to supplement your words with certain actions. Before starting a conversation, immediately select a suitable posture that will be convenient for you - and at the same time it will not cause negative emotions in other people.

Ensure that the posture is not closed: this immediately expresses mistrust and readiness to harshly criticize another person, even if you do not mean anything like that. Explaining the true meaning will be extremely difficult. Lifting the shoulders, lowering the head are perceived as signals of excessive tension and isolation, incomprehensible fear or fear of defeat. Leaning in the direction of another person, you show interest in him and in his words. Just do not intrude into personal space.

Posture is a very important component of non-verbal communication. A measure is needed here: the back should be straight and the fit should be correct but in both cases it is required not to overdo it, so that you will not be considered an overly proud and arrogant person. Take a close look at yourself in the mirror or even ask others to evaluate your manners. If even the slightest unnaturalness, artificiality and posturing is visible, it is better to reduce the tension, do not constantly strive for a perfectly straight back.

As for the gestures, one should first of all pay attention to those of them who show friendliness and benevolence. When talking at the table, the hands are held palms up, the hands are left relaxed. Slightly bent your head to the right or left, you emphasize that you carefully perceive the speech of another person.

When people are tired of the conversation (or the interlocutor can hardly wait when he is given the floor), the rubbing of the neck and earlobe begins. Sudden shifting of papers, other things means that the person is no longer going to say - for some reason. Those who intend to leave are directing their legs or even the whole body towards the exit. Crossing hands directly speaks of a “closed” position or readiness for tough resistance.

Getting up and starting to walk around the room, scratching the chin or touching the hair, people thereby set themselves up to make a decision, enter a crucial phase with a difficult choice. Inexperienced and ill-prepared deceivers rub their noses, fidget nervously on the chair, they constantly change their position. It is very difficult to lie without constantly looking away, without narrowing the pupils, not covering the mouth with your hand. If you believe that non-verbal etiquette is associated only with movements, gestures, this is an erroneous opinion. There is one more important component: these are habits.

Do not approach the interlocutor closer than at arm’s length - if possible. Of course, when you need to get close for business, this rule does not work. A gross mistake is to twirl something in your hands during a conversation, to draw on paper - and so on. This behavior immediately demonstrates:

• lack of self-confidence;
• weakening attention to the topic under discussion;
• disrespect for the interlocutor (who will have to endure such an annoying manner).

Smoke at the present time, many. If you are one of these people, try to refrain from the bad habit whenever possible during negotiations. As a last resort - you can afford to drag out when the contract is already concluded, and it remains only to clarify some details and nuances. If you talk at a less serious level, you can smoke, but try to blow up the smoke: This shows partners your positive attitude. When rings or smoke are directed downwards, a suspicion of something is shown.

If smoking is prohibited in a particular place or in a specific situation, this restriction must be strictly observed. Even when you know that there will be no penalty (or it doesn’t matter to you), you can’t do that: it’s an open and gross disrespect for the established rules and regulations.

The important point is that certain aspects of speech are part of etiquette:

• maintain confidence and firmness in the voice;
• speak clearly and separately;
• keep the same volume level (not too low and not too high);
• it is impossible to rush, but excessively slow speech can cause irritation among listeners, interlocutors.

Certain traditions of non-verbal etiquette are associated with business, which are broader than those already mentioned. Often used certain brands of clothing and cars, watches and pens. The main head of a successful company is usually keen on sports, is a member of private clubs and associations. This is not just some kind of convention and underlining its importance. Relations and acquaintances are thus tied more efficiently, and those that are there are maintained more easily.

It is advisable to choose the traditional colors of the dress code, even if your company is very modern and connected with high-tech sphere. Clothing should be calm, traditional, without bright colors and screaming tones. You can not wear more than five accessories, they also include mobile phones and bags. Under the ban for a business person definitely get too strong aroma of perfume, wearing old, sloppy shoes.

It does not matter whether you are a successful merchant, a middle manager or are engaged in any other field. You still have to make contact with people in various public places. Such situations can occur rarely and not last too long, but etiquette strictly regulates this aspect of life. On the street, standards of decency require:

• cleanliness and neatness of clothes and shoes;
• no bad smell from you;
• combing hair and wearing suitable hats;
• the transition of the roadway is strictly in designated places.

You can not interfere with other people (pushing them, blocking the way or making it difficult for them to take the only safe or convenient route). If suddenly it happens that you push someone (even without malicious intent), you will need to apologize. Having received the answer to any question, be sure to thank, even if the answer is a person’s professional duty. Such behavior is polite when:

• don't hunch;
• do not swing their arms;
• do not keep them in their pockets (unless during strong cold weather);
• refuse to eat and drink, smoking on the go;
• refuse to throw garbage.

A maximum of three people can walk in a row. If the sidewalk is crowded, then two each is no more.Bags, bags and everything else must be carried so that the people around them do not suffer. The umbrella is held vertically (unless it is folded or laid out). Friends should be welcomed, but if you want to talk to someone, stand away from the road, on which other people go.

Both on the street and in the park, at a concert in a circus, the following are prohibited:

• scream;
• whistling;
• pointing at someone with a finger;
• intrusive surveillance of others.

Polite people will help to cross the street, open or hold a tight door, let a disabled person pass by, will not create traffic jams or drive too fast - no matter how they hurry. When you are traveling with the elderly, passengers with children, disabled people, or pregnant women, give them the front and closest to exit points in public transport. You can not put bags or bags on the seats, except that if the vehicle is almost free, and its floor is dirty.

Signs of bad parenting are also loud and intrusive conversations in transport, reading unfolded newspapers and magazines, attempts to consider what others are reading. If you are sick or an epidemic has occurred, it is advisable to refuse to visit public places or minimize your stay there. Modern etiquette implies that if you need to be among people in such a situation, you must wear a gauze bandage, changing it regularly.

If you have to travel by rail, prepare all the things that you will use directly on the way. To touch them all the time is not only too tedious and inconvenient, but sometimes impolite - it is possible to create inconveniences for others, to damage some object. At the entrance to the compartment, they always say hello, but to introduce oneself or not is already at will. Even with a very long trip and heart-to-heart talk, one should not be interested in personal topics and convictions, views of fellow travelers.

When the train arrives at the station and before leaving it, it is quite possible to block the approach to the windows. Do not open or close the window without asking other passengers. Prepare to leave in advance, ideally you should start to put things an hour before arriving at the desired station. This is especially true in winter, when all passengers have to wear a lot of things. It is not recommended to do the following:

• put your feet on the seat, even your own;
• smoke and drink alcohol;
• too loud to talk;
• make phone calls at night or when other passengers sleep;
• visiting the toilet stall too often;
• voluntarily occupy a seat not indicated on your ticket;
• fill the table with your food when you are not using it for its intended purpose.

People visit administrative institutions much more often than the airport. It also has its own rules of etiquette. Already at the entrance you need to say hello to the watchmen, guards or duty officers; prepare a pass or identity document in advance. Questions about the name and purpose of the visit should be answered immediately, calmly and without any impatience.

When the building has a wardrobe, all outerwear should be left there, even if there are no formal rules. In such cases, you may not be required to do it directly, but the rules should still be remembered. If you have a secretary or a substitute, you need to talk about appointments and negotiations.

You cannot enter the office until the secretary makes sure that they are really waiting for you. Knocking on the door of the administrative office is prohibited in any case. The only exception is when this is provided for by the rules or by the decision of the owners of the premises.

Regardless of whether the decision is favorable for you, you need to keep calm and business tone. Only rude and uncultured people slam the door, leaving the administrative building. They allow themselves to become in the corridor where they can interfere with other people.

The public place is also a hotel. It is recommended to book rooms in advance: it is not only more convenient for you, but also easier for employees who do not face the need to urgently look for empty seats. Be patient when registering, remember that employees did not invent the rules, requirements for documents.

Etiquette fully regulates everything that relates to gifts: it is obligatory both for presenting people and receivers of presents. It should be noted that all gifts (with rare exceptions) are either strictly functional, or symbolize some kind of wish or hint. You should not give something inappropriate: handing alcohol to someone who does not use it at all, or use something that hints at a physical disability, life difficulty or an unpleasant situation as a gift. You should also consider a few established rules:

• not to give that which a person does not need at all;
• do not give ugly, damaged or broken things;
• not to give what is already presented to you - even if the person does not know about it;
• not to give what you or someone else has used before (except for antiques, art objects and other understandable exceptions);
• need to carefully study the tastes and priorities, character and habits, the material capabilities of the person.

The latter is especially important, although it is often overlooked: the secret general rule is that the gifts that the recipient will present to you in the future should be comparable in value and usefulness to your gift. Close people, relatives, friends and colleagues can be watched without any problems.

The needs and preferences of the rest need to be recognized indirectly - it is better some time before the holiday, a solemn occasion. Then there will be no obsession, and the effect of surprise is provided, and you yourself will have more time to select the appropriate option.

The principle "the book is the best gift" is relevant today, but you need to take into account the peculiarities of character, the tastes of the presented. To carry children's literature to respectable and respected people is frank nonsense. Always carefully study the selected book and its author, compare the information with the interests of the presented. Always remove the price tag from the gift - if possible. Do not call the price, even indirectly or after a long time - except when asked about it directly.

Handing or sending gifts (except flowers and cars) always implies packaging. When a gift is handed over personally, the bestowed must disclose and become familiar with the surprise in the presence of donors. Polite and educated people give thanks even for a frankly ridiculous or tasteless gift.

The behavior of the person at the table is a very important component of etiquette. It is at this moment that it is often appreciated by potential business partners, representatives of the other sex, and many other people.Think of the impression you make on co-workers and bosses. The easiest way is for those who even strictly observe the rules of decency at home. Here are a few of the main ones:

• always put a napkin on your knees (only it can be used to wipe lips, fingers);
• after the meal, place the napkins at the plate; if they fall, take the others or ask the waiter for new ones;
• if you drink wine, pour it only into glasses, which you need to hold with three fingers - exclusively by the leg, without touching the bowl;
• soup must be drawn from itself, not to itself, so as not to splash clothes;
• try not to overfill the plates, other containers - it is not only ugly, but also difficult to move;
• There are three popular dishes that are eaten with your hands: fried or boiled chicken, meat on the ribs and any kind of crunchy snacks;
• when handing a dish to another person, place it directly on the table, do not give it in your hands;
• do not use any cutlery in order to clean the fish from the bones - this is done only by hand.

It would be possible to give examples of behavior consistent with etiquette for a long time. However, what has already been said will be enough for you to behave correctly in 9 cases out of 10. In other situations, tact, elementary logic, attentiveness to other people will help you.

On the basic rules of etiquette, see the following video.